Monday, July 31, 2006
>> 8:22 PM
>> 1:59 PM
>> 11:53 AM
Sunday, July 30, 2006
When I have these dreams, I think Giles can sense my mood -- stressed and disturbed -- because he is restless, too. Last night, he intermittently woke up barking to run to the front door and also barked muffledly in his sleep.
But last night especially, I think things took a turn for the worse because these disturbing dreams escalated to the point of nightmares that repeatedly woke me up, all various and different. In the one I remember because of a tactile component, I dreamt I was in a half-awake, half-asleep state and felt hands grasping mine. At first, I thought they were Rob's, just returned from work, but the way the pair of hands was connecting with mine would've positioned Rob under or in the bed. When I realized this, the tactile sensation transformed into the horror of corpse-like hands, somewhat disembodied, emerging from the bed on either side of me. I woke myself up at that point and gladly discovered no grasping hands in my bed. Only Giles lay to my left, deep in sleep.
When Rob finally came home and crawled into bed this morning, I told him that I had been repeatedly awoken by nightmares. He held me and told me he would keep them away. I only had disturbing dreams after that point.
This afternoon, I am caught in a feeling of listlessness and the banality of the day. This is especially accentuated, I think, by the utter horror of things in Israel and Lebanon that I see on television and on-line.
It is too hot and humid outside, the sun's light taking on a punishing quality rather than a pleasant one. To compensate, I've kept all the lights off in the apartment, and I'm sitting here in a darkened, den-like space. I think I will play some sad, longing music ([Rufus Wainright] fits the bill). And perhaps draw myself a bath.
>> 11:39 AM
>> 11:23 AM
Saturday, July 29, 2006[Beyond Marriage] linked in nearly enough places. I've been wanting to write a bit about it, but who knows when that might happen. So I'll link it for now and possibly return to it with some thoughts. (And by the way, I think the statement is A++++.)
>> 4:22 PM
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>> 3:34 PM
Exhausted after a morning not writing duck's dissertation.
>> 8:44 AM
Friday, July 28, 2006
At work today, I drew a family portrait.
>> 3:23 PM
Edit: Well, I lied. I did go on a road trip with Giles and Rob to Maryland one time. Giles threw up in the back seat while we were going up the hellaciously twisty roads of the mountain on which Rob's sister lives.
>> 2:59 PM
My friend Tara brought me delicious curry for lunch. And I scheduled a pickup date for the movers to come get our stuff. And I bought a ticket to see Margaret Cho in concert in Durham in a couple weeks. (She is, after all, in my dissertation. I am also going to buy a ticket to see Vienna Teng, also in my dissertation, in Minneapolis in September.)
>> 1:06 PM
[At one locked door a soldier yells, "Come out or we'll send the dog in," and a buddy does a realistic bark.]
[Pets can help prevent some deaths.]
[Dog attacks have postal carriers on alert.]
[He was last seen with his dog Muttley - "who went with him everywhere" - at the Waterman pub in Birmingham Road on Sunday night before he drowned in the Grand Union Canal where he was found early on Wednesday morning.]
>> 10:08 AM
>> 8:55 AM
>> 8:37 AM
>> 8:08 AM
"I was SHOCKED to see a giant breast on the cover of your magazine," one person wrote. "I immediately turned the magazine face down," wrote another. "Gross," said a third.
. . .
"I'm totally supportive of it -- I just don't like the flashing," she said. "I don't want my son or husband to accidentally see a breast they didn't want to see."
>> 7:43 AM
>> 7:24 AM
Thursday, July 27, 2006
>> 5:35 PM
Cartoon on John's office door.
>> 11:46 AM
Giles is at the vet today. He already had his vaccinations and check up. The veterinarian called and said he gave her kisses the whole time she was examining him. He loves people. She said his teeth have a lot of tartar buildup, though, and we'll need to get them cleaned soon. :(
>> 9:29 AM
Current mood: Everyone sucks and should go away and leave me alone.
>> 7:47 AM
Wednesday, July 26, 2006
Mr. Giles was curious about the shredder whirring away old receipts.
>> 7:45 PM
1. Make gun shape with hand.
2. Point finger at dog.
3. Say, "Bang."
>> 7:22 PM
Mom, me, twin -- Taiwan, Summer 1995
Me, dad, twin -- Taiwan, Summer 1995
Blue wig -- New Haven, circa 1998
Bodiless head -- New Haven, circa 1998
>> 5:43 PM
Also, [Animal abuse cases rise by fifth]. Look at the picture of Gizmo, the shih tzu that looks like a mangy fur ball.
>> 11:07 AM
Hodge kicked the fox four times, but it got up each time and lunged at him until Hodge stomped the fox to death.Ugh. Not pleasant to be bitten by a fox, I suspect. Or to be stomped to death. What gets me about the article is that the journalist's name is actually "Madison Park"!
>> 9:50 AM
>> 9:00 AM
>> 7:21 AM
Tuesday, July 25, 2006
North & South campus power outages
At approximately 8:35 am we began receiving reports of intermittent power outages in North and South campus. Electrical Distribution are aware and are working on the problem. 07-25-2006 10:04:48
At 8:31 am this morning, we had a major power outage which affected much of the West and South parts of campus. A squirrel chewed into some medium voltage cable inside our Cameron Substation. The damaged cable makes up part of UNC's tie to Duke Power for that area. The cable shorted and effectively cut off the power to half of the substation. The event also tripped the Cogeneration Facility and its steam powered generator. Quick action on the part of Cogen Operations personnel resulted in the use of a back up feed to restore power to all customers at approximately 8:37 am.
Today's lunch: brie, havarti, and cheddar cheeses with some rosemary olive oil bread; grapes; baby cut carrots; and yogurt. Giles was very interested in what I was doing while I put together the lunch. He loves him some cheese.
>> 10:59 AM
Monday, July 24, 2006
>> 3:26 PM
[The dog who crashed the party]:
A real service dog such as a guide dog is highly trained to do specific tasks for the blind or disabled. Undoubtedly, an animal who provides emotional security can help an anxious person cope with troubling situations which would be difficult to negotiate alone.
"However, that's not to be confused with ‘yuppie’ emotional support in which the underlying motivation, conscious or otherwise, is entitlement and repressed arrogance," says New York psychologist Dr. Joel Gavriele-Gold, author of "When Pets Come Between Partners."
Along with the built-in sense of entitlement, it comes down to a "control issue," he says. "There’s a built-in sense of entitlement in bringing either kids or dogs to functions when their names don’t appear on the invitation."
For some of these people, it's just out of control.
Some of the things that people do seem just annoying -- not because of the insistence on dogs but just the sheer lack of caring about others. For example, tenants who sue their landlords to keep pets -- it's one thing if the lease allowed pets but the landlords subsequently revoked that right, but it seems like one of those things that is cut and dry if the tenant wants a pet but the landlord doesn't want a pet in that space (allergens are a good reason), not that I'm championing landlord rights or anything. And eating with dogs? While I love to do that, it also seems quite easy for people who don't want to dine with dogs NOT to sit outdoors. I mean, I'd prefer NOT to eat surrounded by screaming children, but it happens anyways. And I can't get a law passed forbidding children because they're outside my "comfort zone."
>> 2:35 PM
[Outdoors a tough option for homeless]:
Bauman said she and her dog, Winston, have lived in Superstition Park since late May.
The 46-year-old rolled up her sleeve to reveal dozens of red ant bites on her upper arm. She said one drawback of life in the desert was the creatures that threatened to bite her and Winston.
>> 1:55 PM
Since I'm here another three weeks, I figured I might as well decorate my work space.
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
>> 11:31 AM
A foggy drive to work this morning.
>> 7:09 AM
Sunday, July 23, 2006
I've this throbbing headache that won't go away. :(
>> 9:27 PM
>> 7:36 AM
Saturday, July 22, 2006["My Cubicle"], a parody of James Blunt's "You're Beautiful." (Via Tara.)
Update: Ha ha. Apparently there's a whole host of lip-sync videos to "You're Beautiful" and also parodies of the song with new lyrics. Here's one by Weird Al lip-synced by someone else -- ["You're Pitiful"].
>> 8:37 AM
Friday, July 21, 2006
I'm trying to make marinara sauce right now, but it's turning out more like tomato soup...
>> 5:57 PM
>> 2:39 PM
>> 12:56 PM
Thursday, July 20, 2006[Q&A with Ben A. Barres about women and science.]
>> 9:40 AM
>> 7:46 AM
Every morning, she waits for me to order the same thing -- a small coffee and a lemon ginger scone* -- and then says, "Ah, your usual." Today, I shrugged, and she quickly added that it's a good thing I know what gets me going in the morning because some people never do. I haven't worked up the comfort and familiarity simply to order "the usual."
* I love scones because in my snootier moments, I can insist on the British pronounciation of the word. Plus, they're delightful triangles of deliciousness.
>> 7:21 AM
Wednesday, July 19, 2006
What I do at work.
>> 2:52 PM
I still need to decide on a font for my duck and find a nice tattoo artist!
>> 1:03 PM
"We wouldn't expect other people who are walking their dogs to have water and food with them at all times because they're probably just out for a short jaunt and are going back home where they're going to have plenty of water and food," Gass said.
It's unfair to keep a dog out in the sun all day without shelter, she added.It's unfair to keep a dog out in the sun all day without shelter, she added.
>> 10:30 AM
>> 8:22 AM
As I left for work this morning, I passed Rob in the hallway of our apartment building. When we first started going out, he commented on how our relationship was like that of the magically cursed couple in Ladyhawke. Not much has changed. Maybe someday we'll find our Matthew Broderick to help set things right.
>> 7:25 AM
Tuesday, July 18, 2006[Ansel Adams's photgraphs of the Manzanar internment camp.] (via [is that legal?])
>> 2:39 PM
Also in this issue, a blurb in the book section on [Just a Dog], an ethnographic study of people who deal with animal cruelty.
>> 11:58 AM
People with face blindness can typically understand facially expressed emotions — they know whether a face is happy or sad, angry or puzzled. They can detect subtle facial cues, determine gender and even agree with everyone else about which faces are attractive and which are not. In other words, they see the face clearly, they just do not know whose face they are looking at, and cannot remember it once they stop looking.I don't think I have face blindness though I do sometimes have difficulty differentiating between characters in a movie. (I attribute this more to the homogeneity of actors.) I also have some difficulty "picturing" people's faces (or my own), though it's not that I don't recognize people in pictures. I would think it might be terrifying to move through the world unable to recognize faces....
>> 9:28 AM
I believe this means I am officially bored.
>> 8:38 AM
Monday, July 17, 2006[A Modest Proposal] for preventing the children of poor people in Ireland from being a burden to their parents or country, and for making them beneficial to the public.
Most English Ph.D.'s have probably read this piece by Jonathan Swift. I think everyone should read it. It's hilarious.
>> 3:08 PM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
>> 11:06 PM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Has no clue what he did was bad.
>> 7:35 PM
>> 8:17 AM
Friday, July 14, 2006
Update: I'm footing the vet and antibiotics bill for the whippet. There's another $75 I didn't have, gone. :(
>> 7:43 PM
>> 10:07 AM
>> 9:50 AM
Thursday, July 13, 2006
>> 7:01 PM
>> 6:57 PM
>> 6:51 PM
>> 1:23 PM
This one's for [hermance]
>> 7:17 AM
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
I hear that the Chicago and Twin Cities areas are up for a heat wave this coming week -- in the mid- and upper-90s with high humidity. I guess I'll be buying a window air conditioning unit when I get up there (in about a month!).
Today at work, a fellow graduate student in my program walked in to use the space at the Center. And she did a double-take, seeing me out of context.
My calendar tells me this month:
No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as the dog does. - Christopher Morley[Duck squadron.]
>> 7:58 PM
Pick your own scabs, not the dog's.
>> 5:40 PM
Tuesday, July 11, 2006[Beaver and Steve] is the bestest. I mean, grumpiness particles? Come ON!
>> 9:38 AM
Monday, July 10, 2006[GPS Navigation System]. This is a very tempting extra service. Maybe when I move, I will try it out for a bit to help me get around the new town.
>> 8:42 PM
>> 4:45 PM
I stopped taking extasy-lite (aka pseudoephedrine, the real decongestant) a few days back and haven't really been able to stay awake since. That stuff really makes me more alert and awake. But alas, I don't think it's a good idea to use it permanently just so I can
>> 7:12 AM
Sunday, July 09, 2006
What we eventually realized -- slowly, I might add, given that we were breaking up every few months since the beginning and then quickly reconciling by the end of the day -- was that we really just didn't have that much to share with each other. And some very important aspects of our lives just did not sit well with the other. He needed to be rooted in a spiritual (Christian) community, one that was both black- and gay-affirming. I am entirely ambivalent towards spiritual practices. He had a strong sense of family obligation, even as he dreaded their finding out about his sex life. I, having essentially been rejected by my parents and geographically-distanced from my siblings for so long, can take it or leave it with regards to my family, though I certainly have pretty good relationships with my siblings.
It's a bit sad that what it took, ultimately, was the necessity of evaluating our lives and careers when he got a job in St. Louis. I feel horrible that I couldn't go with him and help him settle in. Instead, we had to break up, using his departure as that final, clean break, making it difficult for us to run across town or down the street to see each other in those first moments of loneliness.
PS I think it's great that [Giles] reads my blog.
>> 9:03 AM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
Outtake of a car dog.
Clearly, I haven't been able to write my dissertation because of a lack of wine. So this evening I bought a bottle of merlot and one of pinot noir. I am having some merlot now with a bit of brie and cheddar. I can feel the words loosening up already.
>> 8:40 PM
>> 4:57 PM
>> 4:20 PM
Friday, July 07, 2006
It's, oh, so quiet
It's, oh, so still
You're all alone
And so peaceful until...
This job might actually be perfect for writing. I'm stuck in front of the computer all day. No one calls. No one comes in. There's hardly any office work for me to do. I can be writing!
When I interviewed for this position last week, one of the questions the assistant director asked me was what I would do if the Center put on a program or event that I disagreed with. She said it was just a frivolous example, but what if the Center had a pet celebration day where people brought in their pets to the office and I hated animals? I laughed. I would totally be for such a program. I would put Giles on the fleyrs and other promotional material for the event. It would be awesome.
This morning, I found out the hard way that extreme1 laziness is sucky. I found out that vinyl stool covers are not iron-resistant. I didn't want to get out my ironing board from behind the closet door because my gigantic (extreme!) pile of laundry was in front of the door. So, I ironed my shirt on this stool. And lo and behold, now my stool cover has a gash from where the iron touched it directly. Sigh.
1 Isn't "extreme" the most over-used adjective these days? Even the Animal Planet specials are called THE MOST EXTREME.... Like, The Most Extreme Jaws of Death and stuff.
>> 7:38 AM
>> 12:40 AM
Thursday, July 06, 2006
I'm sorry Giles. I'm trying to get home, but traffic is awful. I think there's an accident up ahead. :(
>> 4:58 PM
Wednesday, July 05, 2006
I brought a cupcake to work today.
>> 10:32 AM
Monday, July 03, 2006
Eek! What have I gotten myself into? I have to, like, talk to people at work and stuff.
>> 11:22 AM
I think one day I'll give up my foolish academic aspirations and settle comfortably in some 8-5 desk job. Coffee and muffins!
>> 6:56 AM
Sunday, July 02, 2006
Other things that are cool:
- Air conditioning.
- A lazy Sunday morning with wi-fi and coffee.
- Having a paycheck for July.
- The prospects of moving to a (new) city soon.
- Constant sinus congestion.
- The head cold on top of my usual allergy-induced suffering.
- Insufficient funds.
- Bagel shops that are out of plain cream cheese.
- Having to make moving arrangements. Shouldn't my parents be doing this for me? I'm just a kid!
>> 8:16 AM
Saturday, July 01, 2006
I have the best bf ever. He's out chaperoning his drunk cousin and brother-in-law even though he only got 3 hours sleep last night.
>> 11:09 PM
Dancing is weird. My cold is finally getting better though I am still sniffly and a bit congested. Too many people asking what I do.
>> 8:23 PM
Woo! Open bar at the reception! Drinky drinks are my friends.
>> 5:45 PM
>> 12:24 PM
I'm so unoriginal, but if I were ever to adopt a sharpei, I would have to name her Sharpie.
>> 11:58 AM
There's a sharpei hanging out outside this Starbucks. Can you tell I'm getting lots of writing done?
>> 11:57 AM
So cool! Someone just walked by with a pet pigeon riding a remote control toy car. I think the pigeon has clipped wings.
>> 11:35 AM
( v <
>> 11:29 AM
Little girl beauty pagaent in hotel. Swarms. Send help. Dog in lobby. Must pet...
>> 9:07 AM
atom site feed
asian american writers' workshop
the new york times
jon carroll @ sfgate
the village voice
let bygones be...
the old stuff